Off-Topix

Mello · #1 (**permalink**) 12-05-2009, 17:07

Thought i would post this Email i got as i found it rather funny...

HOW MEN AMUSE THEMSELVES IN TESCO'S

Proof of what can happen if a wife or girlfriend drags her husband or boyfriend along shopping

This letter was act ually sent by Tesco's Head Office to a customer in Oxford :

Dear Mrs. Murray,

Whilst we would like to thank you for your valued custom and use
of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is
considering banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless your
husband stops his antics.

Below is a list of his actions over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolleys when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine products aisle.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened.

5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor gas stove.

7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

8.. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.

9. October 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the
antidepressants were.

10. November 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the Mission Impossible' theme.

11.November 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the 'Madonna look' using different size funnels.

12. November 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled 'PICK ME!' 'PICK ME!'

13. November 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed the foetal position and screamed 'NO! NO! It's those voices again.'

And; last, but not least:

14. November 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, 'There is no toilet paper in here.'

TOLD YOU...

Len · #2 (**permalink**) 12-05-2009, 22:30

LMAO;Brilliant

**Paul** · #3 (**permalink**) 13-05-2009, 11:24

That's VERY funny

**Delboy** · #4 (**permalink**) 13-05-2009, 11:40

Haha, I too hate going shopping period.

This has only gave me more ideas to annoy her indoors.

I used to pretend to be deaf and shout across the aisles at my other half that used to make her very embarrassed but now she just ignores it.

I also find it works rather well in places like West african airports when the numerous scam artists (airport security, customs etc) ask what have you got for me.

Just shout "Sorry I can't hear you" at them so everyone can hear it, they normally just send you on your way to avoid being spotted on the take.

Mello · #5 (**permalink**) 13-05-2009, 19:12

Quote:

Originally Posted by Delboy

I also find it works rather well in places like West african airports when the numerous scam artists (airport security, customs etc) ask what have you got for me.

Just shout "Sorry I can't hear you" at them so everyone can hear it, they normally just send you on your way to avoid being spotted on the take.

This could turn into an advice thread...

When you get someone at the door trying to sell you new windows/doors/conservatories say "sorry it's rented" trust me you wont see them for dust...

Zoë · #6 (**permalink**) 14-05-2009, 09:39

Ha ha ha ha ha!!!! Brilliant!!

**Eos1nrs** · #7 (**permalink**) 14-05-2009, 09:48

well this just set me up nicely for the day, very very funny!!! cheers dude!

whatt · #8 (**permalink**) 15-05-2009, 01:43

Steve ... well that brightened up my day ...lol ... and can see a good many people doing most of that .. but I am sure they wouldn't look into a security camera and pick their nose ..etc but I guess it does take all kinds ... ... lol ... Thank for sharing this funny story ...

Cheers
Else